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The Toilet Brush Incident
submitted by Harold R., Upstate New York

In the spring of 1999 at around 1300, we were called to the state police barricks for an unknown medical..... (THAT should've been our 1st clue)

Upon our arrival the troopers told us the patient was in the bathroom, and we would not believe the problem that he was having. It took awhile for us to talk the patient out of the bathroom. He kept telling us that he did not want to come out. When he finally came out he was walking kind of funny, so I thought that maybe he hurt his back or one of his legs. I asked him to sit down so I could check him out, then he told me that he didn't want to sit. At this time I had the two other guys on the crew that day go and get the stretcher. While they were gone the patient told me what his problem was. He said that he had a toilet brush shoved up his "rectal area".

I took all I had to not just start laughing out loud. We got the guy to lay down on the stretcher face down and rolled him out to the rig. When we started in to the hospital I took vitals and all that other good stuff, NO I did not look to see how far the thing was shoved up there. Half way in I tried to call the hospital on the radio, but when it got time to tell the ER nurse what the patients problem was I broke out into laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes. I dropped the radio and called in on the cell phone, the nurse that took the call would not believe me no matter how hard I tried. When we got to the ER and the nurse and doctor took the report, they both had to leave the room they were laughing so hard.

From what the patient told us, he was a truck driver that stopped and picked up a hooker. Well he and the hooker had gotten a little kinky. She want to stick something in his back end, the only thing he could find was a toilet brush. The thing got stuck in there and the hooker left him. He drove over 30 miles in his 18 wheeler to get to the police barracks. Later on that night after another run, we asked the doctor how that patient made out. She told us that the brush had a hook on the end of it and it had gotten "stuck in there" - punctured, and wrapped around his intestines. He had to be transported another hospital to have it removed. She then said the man's wife had shown up before he was transported, and told the doctor he has done this before. Twice before. The last time he had gotten something stuck in his "rectal area" he had to have the "item" surgically removed and a colostomy bag in place for awhile. Now he has one for the rest of his life.

Moral of the Story: Stop putting stuff up your BUTT!!

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